The idea is that we take in information, tell ourselves a story, and that story triggers emotions within us. For example: one day when I was in SLC I went country dancing one night. A slow song came on and the guys started rushing to ask the girls of their choice. I wasn't super excited about anyone so I just kind of hung back. I saw these two girls who were chatting. One of them got asked to dance leaving the other stranded by herself. She seemed like a nice girl but from the looks of it probaby didn't get asked to dance a whole lot. The way she acted led me to believe that she would be delighted for me to ask her. I actually had the audacity to think that I was doing her a favor by asking her to dance!
I strolled up to her and asked her if she would like to dance.... she looked at me for a second and then shook her head and said NO!!! ha ha I was floored..."Seriously?" I asked. "Seriously," She responded. I actually started clapping my hands and laughing as I walked away.
But here is the moral of the story. I took in fact (she was standing alone, semi attractive, and shy). I told myself a story (she must be shy and probably doesnt get asked to dance and therefore would be thrilled to dance with me). And then, because of the story I began to feel like I was charitable or kind or altruistic. The point is.. that my story affected how I felt. But boy was I wrong!!!!
Being aware of the stories you are telling yourself is half the battle of being able to challenge your own stories and make sure you act appropriately. The greatest communication skill is the ability to see things from another's perspective.
Does anyone else have any experiences where they told themselves a story and felt one way. Only to find out that the story they told themselves was totally wrong?
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4 comments:
Karen, Crucial Conversations is my favorite book. I have tons of stories like that. I have learned so much from that book. Mainly how to be a better communicator and what not. I love that you blogged about it. Maybe someday I'll share with you my stories.
oops...haha, this definately isn't karen's blog...this is Jake's blog...hahaha...same comment stands, but change the name...hahaha, that makes the story about country dancing not as funny. I thought Karen Campbell had asked a girl to country dance...hahaha.
ha ha ha! That is awesome!!!! Yeah that would be crazy if Karen swung that way!
This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately.
One day on my mission my companion and I were talking with this family we were teaching, they had already committed to baptism and were asking about the resurrection and so forth. They had lost a set of twin boys recently that were born prematurely. So as I was teaching them I shared my personal experience that my brother had died at the age of 15 and a little bit about my testimony and how my family is dealing with his death and how crazy we are about the gift of the Atonement and the Resurrection.
I felt the spirit and I thought the discussion went well but when I looked over at my companion she didn't seem to agree. After the discussion, once we were outside, I quickly turned to my companion and asked her what was wrong. She looked at me and said (basically), "It's not about you!"
I was shocked and confused. Come to find out just a year previous her mother had died from cancer. She related to me that it's not about us, as missionaries to tell our stories, as much as is our role to teach them about Christ and His healing power.
She told me that I had spent a lot of time talking about me, my family, and my experience, when we really should have been talking about Christ and the Atonement.
It took me a while to understand what she was saying since in my mind (the story I had told myself) I was just relating personally to this family. But boy have I learned a lot from that little lesson from my companion.
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