Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Feelings usually seem to form around expectations. Expectations of how we think things should go, how people should act, what will take place at an event, what should be the reward for our actions, etc. When those expectations are not met we feel disappointed, mad, frustrated, injured, sad, and other negative emotions. When expectations are are exceeded we are elated, happy, ecstatic, and giddy. And when expectations come in on par with what we had planed we are simply satisfied... Have you ever been in a situation where you didn't have expectations? In all reality probably not. if you were going to a concert and said you didn't have any expectations you in all reality just have very low expectations. Thus if the concert is a bore then you still leave satisfied that you judged accurately. If the concert was amazing then you leave extremely pleased because your expectations were not hard to overcome....
This is an interesting concept to think about. If you have low expectations of other people is that a bad thing? If you truly don't have any expectations then people will never hurt you... However, what about the saying "treat a man like the man he ought to be and he will become that man"? Or what about self fulfilling prophecy? Would that encourage our society to be more beligerant and proper conduct would decompose?
Another thought I had was that maybe feelings and expectations are related to the grand daddy of sin's... Pride. Are failed expectations manifestations of pride in that we would have handled the situation differently and our wanting to be acknowledged for superiority? I often have felt like it was my duty to teach the offending party how I would have handled it... thinking that if everyone had half the sense I did then the world would be a great place! No doubt others have felt the same about my actions as they have felt the need to correct me. So when I get my feelings hurt is it really my pride and confidence that I think I would have handled something differently?
Even if neither of these theories hold water... it seems to me wise to learn to be humble enough to have expectations of people, events, and situations. But to recognize our own short-comings and choose to not be offended or hurt by other peoples actions. After this brain dump I have concluded that humility for me is the antidote for fragile feelings.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
She smiled and replied, “When God allows me to.”
The young boy then asked, “Can we ask Heavenly Father about it?”
“Of course we can.” Thinking that they would include it in family prayers that evening she was surprised when he immediately bowed his head and started saying a silent prayer. A few moments later he lifted his head and told his mother that she would have a child when he was 7 years old. Just as he prophesied it came to pass.
The revelation here for me was one of humility and faith. You see God has counseled us to become as little children.
1. At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?One of the most important characteristics of a child is their humility. Think about it… Children recognize their dependence on others. They know that they need to “ask” to “receive”. A child knows that without his parents help he is helpless. Thus a Child asks in faith and hope for those things which he or she needs.
2. And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
3. And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
4. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18: 1-4)
Sometimes a parent will not give a child all of their want’s and whimsical requests. But surely when it comes to important matters a parent immediately responds to a child’s needs and desires.
9. And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.Add to that James 1:3-5
10. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
11. If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent?
12. Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?
13. If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give athe Holy Spirit to them that
ask him? (Luke 11:9-13)
3. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
4. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
5. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.
Imagine what our prayers would be like if we knew that we couldn’t do things alone… Images of Christ praying to the father flood my mind. I imagine him in the Garden of Gethsemane praying for strength and desire to fulfill the will of the Father. Imagine what it would mean to our relationship with God if we prayed to him with humility.
Truly a childs prayers have power because of the simple humility and faith with which they ask…
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Anyway, probably 15 years later I ran across an audio book version. I was commuting a lot at the time and was sick of music so I bought it and started listening. Little did I know it was actually a business book! And that book CHANGED EVERY RELATIONSHIP I HAVE HAD SINCE! I mean it. Dating relationships, business relationships, social relationships, family relationships, and any other kind you can think of.
I have decided to read the book once per year for the rest of my life. All of my employees will be required to read it. I made a goal to influence 1000 people to read the book in my lifetime. So far I am at about 30. Because of this book I have learned to work through almost any issue and sell my ideas much more effectively.
If you have never read this book please buy a copy and read it. Has anyone else read the book? What was your favorite part of the book?
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Wow… I had a slap in the face today when I visited my blog and realized that I hadn’t posted since April! Then as I scrolled down the posts I read the one I wrote on new years about diligence! Haha. Apparently I didn’t have a high-enough priority to put diligence into my blogging. Since then I have had a lot of life changes. I fell in and out of love (in fact… I wonder if the blogging is correlated! Haha), quit my job, and am now in pursuit of deciding what I want to do for the next segment of my life’s journey.
But true to my last post I have started to brainstorm a book with modern day stories of instances when I have seen Christ’s Character manifest in the actions and lives of ordinary people trying to become like him. These people are not perfect but have moments of perfection when the Lord’s love shines through them. Here is one called:
The Ninety-and Nine
I slipped through the doors to the church just as the congregation began singing the opening hymn. A few muffled voices soon grew as the nearly one-hundred members of the congregation joined in. I slipped to the back of the chapel and took a seat by myself. It had been a rough week. I had moved to Arizona, away from family for a job. I didn’t have a lot of friends in the congregation and was feeling pretty sorry for myself. I had been very selfish lately looking out for “number one”. Today was especially bad. I was feeling guilty for how self centered I had been.
After a few minutes a girl whom I had recognized but did not know walked through the chapel doors and made her way to the front. She sat down by herself and began to settle in. I glanced up to see a young woman in the back, whom I had previously judged as extremely young and inexperienced in life. She was extremely beautiful and I misjudged her as someone who was probably caught up in being the pretty girl. She was probably being selfish like I was. But then my mind was opened.
She too had noticed Emerald walk in and sit down. Without hesitation she stood up from her pew and pushed her way to the isle. She walked confidently up to Emerald, sat down, and put her arm around her. She then whispered into her ear and they both got up and walked back to the young woman’s group of friends near the back. They made room for her there. Emeralds face was glowing.
My eyes filled with tears as I watched Christ’s reflection return with one of its sheep. Although Emerald was not a lost soul (heaven knows she is more Christ-like than I will ever be), I was reminded of Christ and his leaving his ninety and nine sheep to go after the one lost lamb. In that moment, I was shown what the Lord meant by Charity. This woman, went out of her way without even thinking about it to include someone in her circle of friends when to leave it alone would have been the easier task. I learned a lesson from her that day that I will never forget. I saw a perfect moment in an imperfect person. I saw what it meant to be a disciple of Christ.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
The greatest asset to me in my personal and professional life has been self-awareness. It has also been my greatest weakness. Sometimes I have it and other times I don’t. Self-Awareness is defined as the ability to see recognize and control your emotions in highly stressful situations. Many times we let the emotion push away logic. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship or a heated argument understands this concept. It is the fight or flight response. Sometimes we fight back when it’s not in our best interest long term. One of my favorite authors, Dale Carnegie once wrote, “You can catch more flies with a drop of honey than you can with a gallon of gall.”
I want to apply this theory of self awareness to dating. We will not be talking about losing control in an argument but rather losing control in a dating situation. Have you ever dated anyone who made you lose your cool factor? I once had a crush on a girl in high school who took away my “filter” for shareing feelings that should be shared until a socially acceptable time. It seemed like I just vomited out my feelings with no regard for how it would affect my chances with her or not. And here is the worst part…. I knew it was happening as it spewed forth!
Okay so here is the story. I had a crush on a girl named Jessica(Note: the names in this story have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved. Ha ha I have always wanted to say that!)She was a cute little thing and all of my friends had a crush on her at one point or another. We called her the ‘untouchable’ because she really didn’t seem like she was interested in dating anyone. Jessica and I became good friends my Junior year and we shared an English class. For our end of the year project we had to spend 25 hours doing something English related. We had just finished a section on poetry and since I was into rap and hip-hop at the time I decided that I would write some poetry or do some rhymin’.
So I wrote a bunch of cheesy poetry about things like Oreo’s, insects, and sports. But some of my stuff was deeper. For my final project I shared some of my lyrical miracles with the class. Afterward, Jessica told me that she thought I was talented and asked me for a copy of my poems. Like any enterprising young man interested in wooing a girl I gave her a copy.
A few weeks went by and it was now in the early summer. One night while running around the school track, I had this crazy idea that I should tell Jessica just how I felt about her. My emotion kicked in and told my brain that it was worth it. That logic didn’t apply in this situation.
So I drove home and scrawled out the worst love poem you have ever read. I mean it was terrible! It compared her to a thief; a thief who had stolen my sleep, my thoughts, and my heart! For some reason I thought that this would be a good thing to share with her. We had never even been on a date. Women always love it when people spring their feelings on them with no warning right?
Anyway she had told me what time she would be coming home from a church campout so I knew that I could leave it on her porch. So I grabbed some flowers out of my neighbor’s yard, jumped in my stick-shift minivan. Destination….. drop zone. I pulled into the cul-de-sac with my lights off and slunk up to the doorstep, dropped the poem and the flowers and tore off towards the car.
Now it is important to note that I did not sign the poem…. But I might have written it in the same font and style as the other poems that she had. It didn’t take Sherlock Holmes to figure out what was up. Anyway I got about halfway home and my emotion finally subsided to a point that my logic kicked in and I realized what I had done. I threw the van into low gear, pulled a u-turn and screeched the tires as I headed back towards her house. I had to go back for it! I realized for the first time that maybe sharing my feelings was a little premature! She was a good friend and not interested in dating anyone, let alone me.
I sprinted to the front door only to find the flowers and poem missing. I was too late. I drove home ever so nervous. I thought I would pretend that it never happened. Pretending doesn’t make it so. A week or so went by and we hadn’t talked. Finally we made contact and I could tell that she knew… it was awkward so I fessed up. I told her I was sorry and that I don’t know what got into me and asked if we could put it behind us and pretend that it never happened. I also asked her to destroy the evidence.
She told me we could put it behind us and that she had already thrown the note away. (Ouch!!! That hurt but I was glad the evidence had been disposed of so it took off some of the sting). Anyway, a year later, I went over to my friend Steve’s house and he mentioned that he had just come from Jessica’s house…. He had a sly grin on his face and started laughing as he blurted out, “I read your poem!” She had kept it! Although I don’t blame her on bit! That is high powered blackmail material! It was too good not to share!
Anyone else have some good stories to share? I am thinking this would be a good idea for a book or a compilation of stories! I would love to hear your stuff!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Okay everyone... I have not been so diligent at my blog these days. Mostly because we have been trying to put together a marketing campaign at work that will eventually become part of our main website campaign (when the final version is created and edited).
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Today, along with billions of other people (think about that... BILLIONS!!!! that is a lot) are thinking about new years resolutions or making changes in our lives for the better. Think of the collective "good intentions" of billions of people! And yet, most new years resolutions don't get written down, don't have determined committment, and probably will go unfulfilled this year.
"constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken; persistent exertion of body or mind."
Thursday, December 25, 2008
This summer I heard of an interesting exercise and have been looking for a good opportunity to try it out. That opporunity came today on Christmas! My family sat around the table and we decided to come up with three words that best describe each person. This is an interesting exercise because many times we "tell ourselves stories" about who we are and who we want to be. It is an interesting experience to see how the people who know you best would describe you. The way we view the world is often called our "paradigm" or our "belief window." and it affects the way we interact with ourselves and the world around us.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
I read an interesting fact about goal setting recently. A study was conducted at Harvard in 1979 and was published in a book called "What They Don't Teach You In The Harvard Business School." In 1979, MBA graduates were asked "Have you set clear, written goals for your future and made plans to accomplish them?" Only 3% of them had written goals and plans while 13% had goals that were not in writing. the remaining 84% had no set goals.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
When Cortez came to the America’s to conquer the Aztec Indians he knew that many had tried and failed. He knew that his men would have to be extremely motivated to defeat the Aztecs. So when they had unloaded their ships, he ordered them burnt; leaving no means for a retreat. They had to either conquer or die. No I am not suggesting in any sense that when women get in a relationship that they are stuck there and there is no going back. But it is much more of a process for a woman to get back into the dating scene after a breakup than it is for a man.
After a breakup, a man simply asks another girl out. But in our culture, where girls typically don’t do the asking, they resort to spreading the word that they are single again through networks of friends and family. This viral marketing can take awhile for quality guys to get the word. Then once they are aware, many men feel like they have to “run into them” somehow before they can call; a cold call would feel to desperate. So in addition to the word spreading the girl typically has to get out and mingle in the social scene.
This has two side effects. First is that girls are often (not always) a little more cautious when jumping into a relationship when there are several suitors because once she quits singlehood its tougher to get back into the swing of things. Additionally, girls tend to put more of their heart and soul into making a relationship work once they have committed. Maybe this is why some women stay in abusive relationships; starting over can be very difficult. Men should understand that if they are taking out a girl that has several suitors that she may be interested but wants to take things a little slower at first because she doesn’t want to dig herself out of “in-a-relationship status” just yet. She may legitimately be interested and may actually be more interested in you than she lets on. Just be patient for a couple of weeks and see if you are the cream that rises to the top.
These two social protocols may be on their way out however with the advent of online social networks. News, especially news of a personal nature, can spread instantly with a single “wall post” or “status update.” It will be interesting to see if this shortens the trip back to singlehood for women. I have a feeling that social networking will change the dating/marketing game forever. It has changed the way we do business and how we market goods and services…. It will change dating relationships as well.
This is my first blog about dating and viral marketing.... Love to hear your thoughts and comments. Do you agree? disagree? What insight can you share? Please leave your thoughts if you have any.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Last night i had an interesting conversation about dating with my family. I have been in the dating game for quite awhile now and have seen a lot of successes and disappointments. I have a lot of insights into how dating relates to marketing, sales, customer service, and branding. I have decided to write a small book about this subject and will be posting the book on this blog when it is finished. I might even use this blog as a sounding board for some of excerps and would very much appreciate any input and stories relating to any content that I post! So stay tuned... I think it will be interesting!